I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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