Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
