i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Your dad touched me again.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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