I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
