im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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