If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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