A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize