We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
