I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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