he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
