I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize