i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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