I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
