Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize