Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
