forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
