My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
