So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm like, not good at living.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
