I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
