The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
