I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize