idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
where are my eyebrows?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
