I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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