The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
