brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
