i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
