I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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