Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
