if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
