I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's never too late to be topless.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am mentally ready for anal.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
