Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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