yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
