the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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