You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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