I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
