Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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