if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Randomize