I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
