Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
that's an acceptable place to lick
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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