Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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