The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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