I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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