Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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