i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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