the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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