dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
