Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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