I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
bring money and cleavage
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
