ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize