I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
