Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My cat gives me a boner
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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