Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize