let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
