Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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