If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
