i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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