I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
