Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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