just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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