paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hell yes lets make some ravioli
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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