OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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