I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
