I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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