Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
